Becoming a parent is a wonderful and unique experience. There is nothing quite like the love and joy that a child brings to a family.

As a mother of three, I remember the joy and excitement that came along with each birth, as well as the new challenges that I faced.

I grew up in the times when my grandparents lived within miles of us, when Saturday trash runs with my Dad were a regular occurrence and our cousins were our best friends. (I know, I’m aging myself!) In turn, when I was raising my children, life had become much more mobile, families relocated for jobs and opportunities, technology started to become a part of everyday life. Supports for families, traditionally for moms, meant reaching out beyond family to the community and creating your own community of peers and supports.

This past year when I started my new role at The Family Place as a parent education coordinator — and became a grandmother for the first time — I started taking note of recent trends and traditions. One of the most significant observations is how the services and supports for dads and other male caregivers differ from those available to women.

In partnership with other Upper Valley nonprofit organizations (including the Montshire Museum of Science, Hartland Library, and Way Point) The Family Place hosts playgroups for families with young children at a variety of locations throughout the Upper Valley.

Playgroups offer socialization for both parents and children, along with occasional education and training. In response to this service need and the outreach success of playgroups, The Family Place recently launched a Male Caregivers Playgroup on Saturday mornings on our Norwich campus.

Robert “Bob” Pyer has been a consistent participant in our playgroups and a valuable member of our Family Advisory Committee. I thought his perspective as an Upper Valley father of a young child might resonate with other dads and male caregivers in our community.

Question: So Bob, my first question is pretty straightforward in regards to your family — how many of you are there and what ages?

Answer: So currently there’s three people in my family. Robert Pyer or Bob, and I’m 40. Larissa Pyer, my wife, is 38. And then we have a 2½ year old son, Ross Pyer.

Q: And anything, maybe something else going on?

A: So in two months time, we’ll have a, what do you call them? A zero? A newborn, Kasia Pyer.

Q: Can you talk about one thing or more that’s really important to your family?

A: Understanding each other through communication. Spending the extra time watching our reactions, especially when we’re trying to help our son learn all of his new emotions.

Q: What are some things that you and your family enjoy doing together?

A: Getting outside, hiking … leaving the house and going off in the woods or just being outside and coming up with our own curriculum. Instead of sitting inside and saying our ABCs, we’re going to go outside and find, you know, an apple and learn about it.

Q: Is community connection important to you? How do you work that in?

A: Absolutely, whether it’s the three of us, or just me and Ross, we go to a bunch of different things. We’re in the community, trying to make connections. Usually though you’ll find I’m the only male that is on the playground or in a playgroup setting.

Q: Can you share a proud moment about your family?

A: Two weeks prior to when I was planning to go back to work, we finally realized that we wanted to have me at home taking care of our child. It was really me — and my wife, of course — looking at each other and being able to verbally say what our goals are going to be throughout this, how we’re going to accomplish this, acknowledging that yes, it’s a group effort, but really, it’s going to be my role to make sure everything works out correctly. With our son, even though he was only 5 months old, we could talk to him and he couldn’t speak back, but I could definitely tell that he would react to my emotions. I let him know that this is going to be an effort on your part too. I think he’s starting to understand that part better now.

Q: Before you made the decision to become a stay-at-home parent, what was your plan for child care?

A: We did have child care lined up, at a facility that was 100 feet behind where I was working. It would have worked out well for us and there was really no other option because of COVID. We had our deposit in, we were ready to go, and then they ended up shutting down.

Two weeks after we put our deposit down, we got the notification that they would be returning our money and the new place coming in wasn’t going to take newborns at all.

Q: How would you feel you view your role as a male caregiver and how is it different from your partner’s role in your family structure?

A: It’s a very team-oriented household. When Larissa comes home at night, she’s helping out. She went to her job during the day and did her best. I stayed home and I did my best with Ross. But that doesn’t mean that my job is 24/7.

She’ll come home, maybe she’ll help cook dinner with him, and then she’ll play with him. And then she’ll go ahead and, you know, want to help me put him to bed. Some of that is mom guilt, and there is some natural dad guilt too.

I get questioned all the time: “Oh, does that mean that you clean the house? Does that mean you do the dishes?” Well, do you know what a woman who’s a stay-at-home parent does? Okay, well, that’s what I do. The job doesn’t change just because I’m a man. We’ve actually stopped saying “stay-at-home dad,” because I don’t just stay at home with my kid. We’re always out in the community doing things.

Q: Why is it important to you to participate in activities like playgroups with your son?

A: Ross has been an only child, so I wanted to make sure he had more interaction. When we started going, It gave me a chance to get out and do something fun with other families too. My son was just under 2 years old, and I was still in the trenches of not going out much, not doing a whole lot for myself. Through activities like this, I’ve heard a lot of different perspectives from people and what they’re going through. These are people that I never would have been able to connect with otherwise.

Q: What do you gain from your connections with other male caregivers?

A: I like to hear how they did something with their child, what they’ve tried. Learning what other people have gone through helps me embrace change more. It’s great talking to other fathers and hearing they did something the same way or they did something a little different. It’s great being able to have that connection with them.

Q: What advice do you have for parents and caregivers raising young children in our community?

A: In the Upper Valley, my experience compared to my wife’s is like a whole other world. Everything happens during the day. And for me it was like a whole other world that was out there to support us. You have to just get out and do things and have trust in other people who are involved in things like playgroups. That means letting yourself be open to other people’s perspective on things and doing things maybe you wouldn’t normally do.

Bob Pyer is the chair of The Family Place’s Family Advisory Committee. Lori Stever is the parent education coordinator at The Family Place.